she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
