if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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