Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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