I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
God, I missed his penis.
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