i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
