this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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