Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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