How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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