I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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