dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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