PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
