someone threw a dead crab at me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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