Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
birth control should be required to get into college
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
