Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
