My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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