i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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