the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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