I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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