Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You're like the curious george of whores
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
