you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
