If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
