Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
