too bad you live with your parents still
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
