return my video game
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
