At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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