So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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