Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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