so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
