Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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