Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
