Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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