Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
