I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
