mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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