And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
