Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
