I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
