No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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