She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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