i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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