words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
