I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
