Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
