i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
