i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
