I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
