Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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