I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
