I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
In other news, I just burned my penis
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
