Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
